The Luigi

Prior to the charity fundraiser on Friday, my sister Kim got a call from a co-worker who had attended last year. He wondered if I would be attending again. She told him yes and he said that meant he wasn’t coming. He claims I made him cry last year. Last year, he had told me that my sister Ellen was hot and wondered why she wouldn’t give him the time of day. I decided he needed some good advice, so I proceeded to tell him to lose the oversized stained sweatshirt, get a good haircut, and drive a nicer car. I told him that he needed to look successful so he could attract women that were decent. Apparently, he decided not to take my advice and would rather avoid me than face me this year.

The fundraiser was a nice time and I did give advice to a few people who were selling their goods there. I also gave advice to the vendors on how to better display their wares. Then I gave advice to a couple of women in the bathroom. And, of course, I gave advice to my sisters. I just want to make everyone’s life better.

I came up with a name for the cow with the crooked neck. Cleopatra. Cleo (Cow of LEO). The name makes you think of something beautiful and sexy. New Glarus Brewing will be salivating. Then I came up with a matching name for the cat-- Chloe. How cute is that? Cleo and Chloe. Now they just have to meet and get along. The road show is soon to follow.

Mom thinks that we could set up a petting zoo at Leo’s farm with these cute animals. Except she mentioned that we’d have to put up a sign that says, “Do not touch, may bite.” But maybe we can raise enough money to keep Cleo and Chloe alive and happy. I would tell you more about Chloe, but so far all she’s done is stay under the bed. But if you shine a flashlight under there, her eyes glow, so she’s still alive.

Mom was back at Leo’s farm to water the cow (Cleo) yesterday and brought back another couple of bags of paperwork to go through. She showed me a receipt for a coffin bought in 1905 for $14. This proves her point that coffins these days are way overpriced.

She also believes there is a cat in Leo's house that is eating the bread she puts out. But last time I saw the bread plate, it had a lot of crumbs spread and mouse droppings on it. If we set up the motion camera, I don’t think we’d see a cat in any film. Maybe we should put Chloe in that house for awhile as an exterminator.

One more thing mom found in a sack of Leo’s paperwork was a eulogy I had written for my Aunt Alice’s funeral ten years ago (I am the official eulogy writer of the family). Mom told my Aunt Jan that she found the Luigi that I had written. I had to think real hard to figure this one out as Luigi’s is an Italian restaurant in town. Re-reading the Luigi made me misty-eyed.